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| | Features | ISBN13: 9780446504126Condition: NewNotes: BRAND NEW FROM PUBLISHER! 100% Satisfaction Guarantee. Tracking provided on most orders. Buy with Confidence! Millions of books sold!
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| | Description | In a world of modern, involved, caring parents, why are so many kids aggressive and cruel? Where is intelligence hidden in the brain, and why does that matter? Why do cross-racial friendships decrease in schools that are more integrated? If 98% of kids think lying is morally wrong, then why do 98% of kids lie? What's the single most important thing that helps infants learn language?
NurtureShock is a groundbreaking collaboration between award-winning science journalists Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman. They argue that when it comes to children, we've mistaken good intentions for good ideas. With impeccable storytelling and razor-sharp analysis, they demonstrate that many of modern society's strategies for nurturing children are in fact backfiring--because key twists in the science have been overlooked.
Nothing like a parenting manual, the authors' work is an insightful exploration of themes and issues that transcend children's (and adults') lives. | |
| | Product Details | | Author: | Po Bronson | | Hardcover: | 352 pages | | Publisher: | Twelve | | Publication Date: | September 03, 2009 | | Language: | English | | ISBN: | 0446504122 | | Product Length: | 6.75 inches | | Product Width: | 1.25 inches | | Product Height: | 10.0 inches | | Product Weight: | 1.24 pounds | | Package Length: | 9.1 inches | | Package Width: | 5.8 inches | | Package Height: | 1.3 inches | | Package Weight: | 1.25 pounds | | Average Customer Rating: |  based on 213 reviews |
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| | Customer Reviews | Average Customer Review: ( 213 customer reviews )
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962 of 981 found the following review helpful:
 It's not what you think. It's more than you know. Jul 03, 2009
By switterbug
Parenting books are ubiquitous. How to sift through and determine which are worthy? I have a teenage daughter and have read quite a few. Even when I thought I was impressed, there was always something nagging at me about them. I determined that many of the books had an outside or hidden agenda, which was to socialize parents according to a specific sheep-herding mentality. Often, a social consciousness or a reaction to a negative social consciousness about raising children informed these "manuals." In other words, the science behind the thinking was weak--they were often politically charged or reactionary.
The blurbs about this book intrigued me, but I was also skeptical--until I read the first chapter on the inverse power of praise. Parents and guardians--just get ye to a bookstore and read the first chapter. I think you will be galvanized by its immediacy and logic (as well as back-up data) and it will inspire you to continue. It all clicked when I read about our praise-junkie tendencies, and how it has a paradoxical effect. The authors never condescend to us; they maintain that all of us want to make the best and most informed decisions. For instance, most of us start telling our babies, from the cradle "You are so smart" as almost a mantra of parenting. The authors do not criticize positive praise--they are revealing the data for specific types of praise. Telling a kid he or she is smart rather than specifically praising them for their efforts will eventually backfire. The child will have a tendency to not put out a lot of effort when they are challenged because they are stymied by the feeling that they have to stay smart, or that they must be NOT smart if they can't solve a problem or puzzle. Telling a kid (s)he is smart is praising an innate feature that is out of the child's control. Praising them for each genuine effort (whether they solved a problem or not) will have a better outcome. I cannot convey to readers the way that these authors channel and support this information--the statistical data and the entire beautiful logic of it--you must read it for yourselves.
The chapter on race relations also woke me out of a deep slumber of complacency. Too often, parents try to teach their kids equality just by placing them in diverse environments or showing them videos of multicultural friendships and cooperation. The book explicated a longitudinal study done by Dr. Bigler in Austin, Texas that revealed the lack of actual parent/child discussion on racial equality. That is the key ingredient to integration. Silence is not golden--(silence is black and white, and never the twain shall meet)--it is the wrong kind of colorblind. Just read this chapter and it will open your eyes.
Each section is such a wake-up call to parenting that I found myself reflecting on the blind spots in my own methods--not in an immolating way, but rather in an "aha!" manner. It isn't guesswork or just someone's opinion. The longitudinal studies, ongoing tests, data compilation, and control studies are explicit. But, more than that, you will feel a light bulb go off--it is seriously the most intrepid book I have ever read on parenting. No exaggeration. I can apply the book's information to my own parenting experiences and trials and realize how on the mark these studies are.
There is a chapter on sleep--its bearing and consequences on child performance, on obesity, and on mood. This section alone is worth the price of the book. I learned which parts of the sleep cycle are integral to the storage of which information. They describe the parts of the brain being affected when information is received and when sleep is disrupted. But, more importantly, the authors lay out the pitfalls of losing just 15 minutes or an hour of sleep--so many teenage problems are associated with this that some trailblazing schools are finally arranging the hours of education based on these studies. But more schools need this call to action. And we need to encourage a positive sleep pattern with our children. I know this sounds de rigueur and obvious. But this chapter on sleep is way more comprehensive than anything I have read before, and profound. Almost everything in the quality of your children's lives depends on it.
One of my favorite sections was the one that is like a riptide into everything you thought you knew about your child's language acquisition. Baby Einstein? Fuhgettaboutit. And don't try teaching your children a foreign language by popping in a Spanish DVD and parking them in front of the TV. Not going to happen. As a matter of fact, it will have a deleterious effect. A child needs a "live" person to learn. Additionally, it is the call and response between parent and baby that is the key to increasing their vocabulary and comprehension. Baby Einstein videos are like disembodied voices that do absolutely zip for their education. Sesame Street in Spanish is just as ineffective. Please read the chapter--the whole controversy is revealed when the studies proved that these baby videos are empty and hollow forms of education.
Perhaps my personal favorite is the chapter on teen rebellion. I recognize the arguing and lying of children in a whole new way now. How and why children cultivate what we think of as egregious behaviors usually stems from a psychologically astute and desirable place in their hearts and growth. It is the same with arguing. We need to shed our preconceptions and outmoded concerns about teen compliance, obedience, and integrity and understand the necessary steps in their development. There is a paradox about child/teen lying--it is expected, but it still must be dealt with.
And there is more--sibling rivalry, IQ testing, testing for elite schools at an early age, self-control, and playing well with others are covered immaculately.
Yes, it will blow the lid off, turn upside down just about everything previously advocated in parenting books. But not in a confounding way. That is an important ingredient to consider. This book, the way I perceive it, is not intended to upset or horrify you or derail your parenting experience. (Although, by its very nature it does derail previous long-held concepts, but in a compassionate way.) As a matter of fact, it provided clarity into numerous bogus concepts and the pious conditioning that we have been hanging onto for years. Additionally, it offers specific practices and interventions that can be measured rather swiftly in your own home with these changes to your personal parenting skills. As much as this book "shocks," it is not intimidating or finger-pointing at parents (although it does point a finger into disingenuous studies). The accessible and engaging flow of narrative is dotted with levity, lightness, and always benevolence. I read this book in just a few sittings and I retained the information well. It is easy to go back and reference what you read, as the chapters are laid out in an explicit, user-friendly manner.
Slide your other parenting books to the side of the shelf and place this one squarely in the middle. I acknowledge this book as a parenting imperative. Read it and leap.
147 of 152 found the following review helpful:
How Children Work Jul 11, 2009
By W. Maite
"I love books"
I learned to cast a suspicious eye toward some who are regarded as childhood "experts" after getting to know the adult offspring of a few prominent figures in the field who were navigating adulthood with considerably more difficulty than the average person. So I particularly like the holes that Bronson and Merryman poke in some of the previously accepted academic theories and trends in child development. I also think that some of the "new" academic data presented in the book is something that many parents will simply (and hopefully) recognize as common sense.
The chapters in the book are all very interesting, covering babies and teens and much of the in between. The chapter on testing for giftedness, which has become a hot button topic of late, is very thought-provoking. I agree with the authors that most gifted programs have run badly amok, but as one who had many years of experience at a private school for highly gifted children, I know that there are children who, in an average school environment, would be teased mercilessly for their ability to relate better to numbers and books than to their classmates. For highly gifted girls in particular, a school such as that can be a very safe place for them to be very smart.
The chapters on false praise, sibling rivalry, teen rebellion and overly-involved parenting speak more to an affirmation of common sense wisdom than to academic breakthroughs, but the research and studies are fun to read nonetheless. The chapters on race, sleep and lying are quite thought-provoking. Overall, the book is well written (not in florid or garbled academia-speak), very well researched, and the authors succeed in offering quite a few new, and fun, things to learn about children.
194 of 208 found the following review helpful:
 Really 4 1/2 stars... Jul 02, 2009
By Seven Kitties
"7kitties"
Disclaimer: I do not have children. I am very curious myself to hear what parents with children will think of this book. I got this book because I teach college, and in the last two years it seems that the students have really changed--stuff that used to work no longer does. I'm looking for answers.
For example, this book discusses why adolescents lie--a problem I've run into many times. *Part* of their argument (I don't mean to oversimplify their point) is that teenagers have learned that a)telling the truth will get them in trouble b) getting away with lying saves both them and their parents from aggravation and c) there's really no worse penalty for getting caught for doing X *and* lying about it than there is for doing X--thus there's no harm in trying, at least, the lie. This makes absolute sense with the scenarios I see semester to semester. Now that I know where it's coming from, I can consider better how to manage it--as in, make clear that the penalty for lying in this class will be much worse than just getting a zero on the paper.
This book has also, though it wasn't a main point of the book, reinforced to me something I've felt for a long time: that education should shape the whole person, beyond academics. Schools are were young people spend most of their time and have most of their social interactions--it makes perfect sense that schools should also get involved in teaching 'good human being' skills.
The surprise in this book comes from the fact that all of our old notions of how to create good human beings are apparently completely unsupported by science. We think praise is good--turns out indiscriminate praise can actually cause students to underperform! We think arguments are all bad--turns out they're not! We think violent TV programs are the ones we want to shield our kids from--turns out that more schoolyard cruelty came from groups who watched 'safe' cartoons like "Arthur."
What I appreciated was that this book didn't (to me, at least) take an alarmist tone--stop that, you're ruining your child!!! Instead it shows the assumptions, challenges them, brings in science and then goes on to humanize the results--Bronson's little discussions with his son in the race chapter were insightful and awfully cute, and really drove the points home. His open discomfort with the praise issue hit all the points I'd imagine I'd go through in 'praise withdrawal.'
One thing I wanted, simply, was more! More science! They kept the science parts as short and general-readership-friendly as they could, which is a great choice to sell books that will reach the largest audience, but me, I wanted more than little blurbs of studies. Not that I wasn't convinced, but I wanted to see a bit more for myself.
I am planning on passing this book on to my friends (especially those with young children) and having some really great discussions about it. This would be a great pick for a bookclub or discussion group.
110 of 116 found the following review helpful:
 A Useful and Flawed Update on Notions of Child Rearing Oct 06, 2010
By Daniel Murphy
"Dan Murphy"
NurtureShock, Bronson and Merryman's book about misplaced assumptions in the rearing of children is a worthwhile read for any parent. More a guide for critical thinking about our somewhat whacked out approach to child raising in America (reserving spots in elite preschools before a child is even born) than a guide to raising children, the book presents fresh data, surprising conclusions, and frequent cautions about old assumptions.
NurtureShock joins a new mini-genre of literature that sells by turning old assumptions on their heads, and making us question what we once thought was surely true. Also in this category is Freakonomics: A Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything (P.S.) and Outliers: The Story of Success.
The book is highly entertaining, and impossible to read without a number of "Ah Hah!" moments, but does have limitations. While presenting powerful evidence that it is best not to dole out generic praise by the boxcar load to children (it actually impairs their performance) the book is at its best. Teachers, by the way, have known this for decades, and good teachers transformed long ago from non-specific cheerleaders (You're doing great!!) to more specific statements ("I like the way you stuck with that math problem until you figured it out"). Similarly, teachers have been acquainted for years with another theme of the book: academic skill testing done prior to the third grade correlates very poorly with academic performance down the line.
The authors question many of the programs that have been used to ramp up child performance, such as the Baby Einstein materials, and in doing so demonstrate how little evidence (if any!) provides a foundation for products that hundreds of millions of dollars have been spent on. What the authors don't question is the concept of performance enhancement itself. In the area of language development, the authors spend a considerable amount of time describing flawed and ineffective (but expensive)programs to get babies on the fast track to linguistic mastery. They then go on to propose that there are a bunch of NEW ways to stimulate language development, giving only weak evidence that transferring from the old and goofy ways of getting babies to articulate precociously to the new and spiffy ways (based on the inevitable fMRI studies of brain function)has statistically significant long term beneficial results. Though the authors don't discuss it, there is good evidence that one of the simplest of interventions of all, having family dinners together every night with the TV off (only about 20% of American families regularly do this now) has a very measurable effect on fluency AND on reading and writing skills.
Again, the book is a great read, and obviously quite inspiring to many of its readers that have posted five star reviews. It runs the risk, however, of perpetuating the notion that children will end up working at McDonalds for a profession instead of becoming a neurosurgeon if parents don't man the neurobiological/behavioral battle stations from about ten weeks after fertilization of the ovum onward. While the authors shred older concepts of ramped up child rearing, they then jump in with both feet on their chosen NEW concepts of ramped up child rearing. What does a ten thousand foot overview of childhood development strategies say? The best evidence implies that the book you want to read if you want your child to become a highly functioning and happy adult is....To Kill a Mockingbird. Raise your girl like Atticus Finch raised Scout, and your boy the way he raised Jem: have dinner with them every night. Discuss current events. Read to your children at bedtime. Speak clearly about your values (compare Atticus Finch's approach to the problem of racism to the methods suggested in NatureShock). Make them play outside on a regular basis. Make them go to bed on time, after you make them do their homework. Not very glitzy, is it? A bit labor intensive, maybe? But find a mentor teacher, or a great pediatrician, and my bet is they'll place their money on Scout and Jem to succeed best in the long run.
The so-called Greatest Generation, which built the world's most powerful economy, made American Nobel Peace Prizes a matter of routine, and vaulted the U.S. to superpower status, did it without the benefit of scripting every verbal encounter, restructuring a walk in the park to an opportunity to improve vocabulary, and becoming adept at responding to a baby's babbles with a predetermined choreography of behaviors. Our drive to be the best parents that we can be is powerful and admirable. We want to do it right. To date, the most effective way of getting there appears to be setting some rules and sticking to them (the authors do discuss this), regular quality communication, quality AND quantity time spent together, frankness regarding values (e.g. racism)and carefully allowing experiences that are painful or challenging enough to cause growth. Atticus Finch used these techniques, and single parent though he was, gave us Scout and Jem.
25 of 26 found the following review helpful:
I was surprised, but not surprised. Aug 03, 2009
By L. L Teuling
"meloroze"
I am a certified bilingual teacher; I teach English as well as piano lessons and do a generous amount of substitute teaching. So when I saw this book, I was eager to read it.
The book has a preface, introduction, ten chapters, and a conclusion. Briefly speaking, the chapters are:
1. THE INVERSE POWER OF PRAISE. The authors state that piling on praise to children about their intelligence may have an inverse effect on their academic progress.
2. THE LOST HOUR. The authors posit that lack of sleep could be responsible for children's and adolescents' academic struggles, moodiness and even obesity! (Surprised? So was I.) Also they mentioned the "Tools of the Mind" curriculum which is apparently doing wonders for kids' academic success.
3. WHY PARENTS DON'T TALK ABOUT RACE.. They claim that young children are more racially aware than we think and that parents DO need to talk to their children about it.
4. WHY KIDS LIE. This chapter debunks stereotypes we have about children's lying (e.g., girls lie less, little kids lie less, introverts lie more - all false). It's a revealing study into children's and lies and even shows how much of it they learn from us adults!
5. THE SEACH FOR INTELLIGENT LIFE IN KINDERGARTEN. This offers up the idea that we often test children for gifted and talented programs too early, and leave out the intellectual late bloomers. The information on the development of children's and adolescents' brains alone is worth the price of the whole book.
6. THE SIBLING EFFECT. This does a different take on the idea that "only" children are less socialized. And get this - they show that a child's relationship with his/her BEST FRIEND is often a good predictor of how (s)he will get along with siblings.
7. .THE SCIENCE OF TEEN REBELLION: The authors suggest that adolescents see arguments with adults as a sign of respect, not disrespect, and a sign of being honest. Some of their ideas about the most effective parents will be surprising.
8. CAN SELF CONTROL BE TAUGHT? The authors claim that the assertion of self-control being a "fixed" trait.may not be true - it may be something that can be developed.
9. PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS. This is a surprising study of aggression. They suggest that aggression is not always the exclusive property of bullies. In fact, the so-called "popular kids" will often use kindness and aggression in balanced forms to maintain control.
10. WHY HANNAH TALKS AND ALYSSA DOESN'T. This delves into why some children learn to speak more fluently and easily before others do. It questions the value of some of the "baby learning" programs on the market today, and discusses five ways that parents can help their children as they learn to speak.
The conclusion ties together many different ends together, and again, a lot of conventional ideas are challenged here. But the answers the authors give are logical when you think of them.
Having said this, I want to share some personal reactions to this book.
A. I agree that it can be counter productive to praise kids for their intelligence under certain circumstances. Even children with high IQs need to apply themselves and work hard to learn. Praising their efforts rather than native intelligence is better because it positively rewards something over which they have control (effort and persistence) than something over which they have less control (IQ in numbers). However, once in a while I think it's good to let a child know that you think (s)he is smart. It certainly is better than commenting on how "dumb" (s)he is, which, incidentally, a lot of parents DO tell their children. For some reason, this wasn't mentioned.
I was not surprised and the mention of the counter-productive emphasis on "self esteem." Yes, emphasis on self-esteem to the exclusion of responsibility can be wrong. But I was surprised that they mention Nathaniel Branden's book THE PSYCHOLOGY OF SELF-ESTEEM as the reason this all got started. Dr. Branden, a former associate of Objectivist philosopher-writer Ayn Rand, does not believe in short cuts to bolster a weak self-esteem. For Branden, self-esteem is the confidence made on the basis of conscious living, self-acceptance, responsibility for our experiences, healthy self-assertion as well as purposeful living with integrity. In fact, if we teach self-esteem the way Dr. Branden teaches it, I'm sure all children - including us grown up ones - would benefit greatly.
B. Their take on corporal punishment. They seem to feel that it doesn't always have a bad effect on children - which may be true. They mention, among other things, Dr. Dobson's approach. While Dr. Dobson's books on discipline have received many good reviews on Amazon, there have also been a lot of negative ones - and some of them by people who were raised according to his advice. Plain and simple, it works for some kids and not for others. Perhaps this needs to be researched more.
In all, I found NURTURE SHOCK to be a very worthwhile reading experience, and I plan to re-read it a lot. And the first thing I would like to do is to check out the TOOLS OF THE MIND curriculum. That sounds exciting!
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